Veer Right

One day off. That’s all he wanted. Just a day to roam away from the drudgery of daily discipline. He didn’t have many such days. He was dependable and so was his schedule. His fine reputation was, in part, due to keeping commitments he made whether they made sense or not. He sighed. He was tired of commitments. Well he had none today! This would be a treat! He would RELAX. He decided to take an unfamiliar road out of town and came to a five-booth restaurant in a tiny town where he stopped, made small talk with the only other customer, and got a cup of coffee to go.

He was on the road in no time and looked at the scribbles on the paper next to him. The written directions said to veer right, but there was no right – only straight and a left turn that became a frontage road. He shrugged and kept going straight.

Twenty minutes found him with the choice of a dead end or a sharp left onto a gravel road. He took the left turn. It wasn’t a bad road. He just knew it wasn’t the right road. A stray piece of gravel kicked up and made a tiny chip in his windshield. He leaned closer to peer at it, and in doing so, unintentionally veered toward the ditch, but pulled his car back in the nick of time. Turning back may have been prudent, but he’d committed back when he didn’t veer right because there was no veer right to veer. The road turned into blacktop and led to a mid-sized city.

A glass building with an attached outdoor cafe caught his eye, so he pulled into the nearest parking spot. Why not? He was getting hungry. It was close to 11:00. Close enough. As he was finishing his corned beef and swiss on rye, an eerie sound, low and wavering and unyielding emitted from a sewer grate in the street near where he sat. A few customers ignored it and a few others paid and quickly left.

As he drove away, a deafening explosion followed him. The rearview mirror showed light gray billows of smoke. Steam vapor from unseen vents? An explosion of an old boiler? He increased his acceleration and found himself at a roundabout. He hated those things, but took it as a sign.

His reversed course led him back to the original road. He parked alongside the curb, got out and examined the spot. Okay. He had to admit there was a slight road to the right, but it was nearly overgrown by weeds. He excused himself his original choice. It was understandable why he hadn’t noticed it!

A sudden slap on his back made him jump.

“Hey there, buddy! Did you find the place I told you about? Glorious as all get out! My favorite is the waterfall. Boy howdy does it make noise!”

“Noise?” His ears still buzzed from before.

His acquaintance peered at him more closely. “Guys like you should take a break every now and again. You don’t look so good. You must be hungry. There’s a cute little diner back in town. Just take your first left.” He paused and pointed. “You should get that chip in your windshield fixed. Stan’s auto is two doors down from the diner.”

The man thanked him and got back in his car. A day wasted, a damaged eardrum, and a slight case of dyspepsia. Next time he told himself he should keep going because he’d already committed, he’d slap himself silly and veer even if there was no veer to veer.

In fact . . .  He looked at his watch, started his car, and veered right.

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All The Precious Things

There it was: a little cottage at the edge of three acres of meadow backed up near an endless wood. He hadn’t been there in forever. It had existed around the edges of his consciousness, but he was very good at ignoring those kinds of things.

On a February morning he’d decided to throw together a backpack and see what a free weekend would bring. That he found himself there wasn’t altogether a surprise, though at first it took him back a bit. Without his reasoned and logical permission, his feet had wandered where his soul longed to be.

He gained the entrance easily enough though the dead grasses of winter were still high. The door creaked a bit. Dust mixed with melting snow under his feet, and a tiny pinecone skittered across the floor when the bottom of the door bumped it.

He inhaled deeply as he looked around the room. It smelled musty, but felt like home. The fireplace still held a copper pot, now a greenish hue from oxidation, over the grate. Two chairs held conversation on either side, a small table by each. On one of the tables was an open Bible. He blew the dust from it and sneezed. He peered more closely. John 3:16. Of course. Her love of beauty had always mixed with what was basic and practical. But his love hadn’t been anywhere near what hers had been and she’d left; and without her the cottage seemed to lose its light.

He wandered into the bedroom. Nothing had changed. A heavy quilt of autumn’s colors covered the brass bed. He looked in the closet. Oh! So she had been back! A denim jacket hung alone while a small pair of boots rested on the floor underneath. He hurried over to the dresser drawers. Their emptiness pricked him.

His stomach growled and he went to the kitchen. Pots, pans, plates – all there. He pulled some jerky out of his backpack, sat at the table, and allowed his memory to meander over time. He thought back, finally allowing himself to acknowledge what he missed and his own selfish part in losing the best part of his life.

They’d met in high school, dreamed their dreams, married and planned. She’d done her utmost to make their life together full and beautiful. She had a way of making the ordinary delightful. No one could coax laughter from him like she could. He missed the stories she told from the day’s ordeals and discoveries. He missed the scent of her hair, her touch, her barely perceptible intake of breath when she was startled, the soft sound of her voice. He missed their promises to each other. One, a crazy one actually, was that if for some inexplicable reason they were parted, they would move heaven and earth to find each other on Valentine’s Day. At the time he hadn’t given much thought to any of it.

He hadn’t noticed when, but pretty soon she’d stopped; stopped the stories, the beauty, the laughter. And one day when he’d returned from some seemingly important adventure, she wasn’t there. He’d waited. Days. Weeks. He’d straightened things he habitually left strewn around. He’d chopped more wood and done some tasks she’d given up asking him to do. He’d even prayed a little, certain it wouldn’t make a difference. After another month, he left, too. He went to the city and learned the gratification of money and importance.

Sitting alone in the forgotten cottage holding memories he’d pushed away, at last he admitted to himself the pointlessness of it all. And, for the first time in years, tears flowed. He held his head in his hands and bawled like a baby. For the first time, he acknowledged all the precious things. And they were more unseen than seen. Described with words, but untouchable. Loved and treasured, but not stored. Suddenly his weeping stopped. A sound. Familiar. Missed.

Her barely perceptible intake of breath.

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Nephee

He was two people ahead of me in line at the Dollar Store. Some people avoid places like that. I don’t. I just don’t have any extra left over for incidentals like peanuts, and I’m not rich enough to frequent this place because I have such good character that I’m frugal. My arms were full, the result of running in for one thing and ending up with five.

It was hard to miss him. He was taller than most people I’ve seen, and the thought flitted through my brain that a Nephilim might be that size. A small one. He had to be easily over eight feet tall, maybe nine. Probably. Maybe more. I’m not good at visual assessments. He turned and looked at me briefly. Maybe he felt my eyes on his back. If they’d been on his head, I would’ve gotten a crick in my neck. Wimp that I am, I automatically looked down. I shouldn’t have, because when I looked up again he was gone. Well that was a quick check-out. I didn’t even see what he’d bought!

I saw him again as I was unlocking my car. He slid into a Toyota. Don’t ask me how he fit. I lost track of him as I exited the parking lot and thought nothing more of it. As I drifted off to sleep that night, though, I saw his face, big as all get out, right in front of me. Just great. Why does your mind do things like that when you’re all cozy and sleepy and ready for dreamland? By the time my heart had slowed to its usual rhythm and I’d counted more sheep than a border collie, I’d lost half the night.

I was a little jittery the next day – maybe from the coffee I drank to replace my poor sleep or maybe from fear. Yep. I’m admitting it. I couldn’t shake the sight of him though I hadn’t seen him since the Dollar Store parking lot.

I started calling him Nephee to dissolve whatever mysteriousness I was feeling about the whole thing. If he popped into my thoughts, I fell into the habit of thinking, Oh there you are, Nephee. Where’ve you been? You missed that big snowstorm we had the other day!. Like that. It helped.

I’m not saying I was avoiding the Dollar Store, but I hadn’t been back for awhile. I finally worked up the courage to return. I know this sounds ridiculous. But you didn’t see him nor did his face pop up in front of you when all you wanted was to sleep. It was becoming a thing, and it needed to be nipped in the bud! I coached myself as I scanned the parking lot for Toyotas. Just go in and get some Blue Dawn and check out. Easy peasy.

Well you know how it is in those places. Before I knew it, I’d picked up a gift bag,  light bulbs, and an eight-pack of pens. That’s when I saw him. His tall self was two aisles over and heading to the check-out. Why was the Blue Dawn in absentia today of all days, now of all times!!! I finally found it and got in line. Of course. My place was right behind Nephee. I could feel him start to turn before he actually did, but decided I would NOT back down no matter how tall he was. I had as much right to be here as he did. In fact, more. I’d lived in this town forever. Interloper!

“Hey there!”, I said when he turned. We were fast friends. His lip curled and he grunted. I craned my neck to see what he was buying. Nothing! He grabbed a candy bar at checkout. I don’t know why I felt so angry, but I did. His presence was messing up whatever peace I thought I had in my life to begin with which, let’s be honest, wasn’t as pervasive as one might hope.

“I hear the weather’s nice in Miami this time of year. Maybe you should visit.” I mumbled.

I haven’t seen him since.

Image: baptist-standaert-mx0DEnfYxic-unsplash; beverage-black-and-white-black-coffee-2360894.jpg; Genesis 6:4; Numbers 13:33; https://youtu.be/dxZGbsP6ZeM?si=VYr3uBM5z5RFC22-; https://youtu.be/ERx-sP-Aezk?si=6VZFIX-3Nka6AW_i; https://youtu.be/1zz8_MxcnzY?si=aTNi73bVR_y5angJ

Resigned to Fate

“No miracles”, the doctor’s words
resounded in his mind;
And so he sat, resigned to fate,

a furrow on his brow;
He thought of all the hardship, first;

and then of blessed time;
And if, he wondered, good was then,

why could it not be now?

So through the night he tussled with
an inconvenient thought;
If blessing came despite it all,

then from where did it stem?
Or Who, perchance, worked happiness

where darkness should have been?
And if the good was giv’n, not chance,

did it matter when?

Should good days be at certain times?
And hard ones destined, too?
Or did they intertwine to make

a puzzle or a song?
He’d not believed it, not one day,

God was for the weak;
Yet in this hour, he wondered if,

yes, if he’d been quite wrong.

And as the sun peeked from the dark and
brightened up the sky;
A prayer – yes! – from his hardened heart

rang through quiet space;
And His Creator, smiled to watch him

stand and utter “why?”
Giv’n was he the answer sure:

My mercy, love, and grace.

Dear Reader, there are times when hope seems lost or when we might be tempted to relegate miracles to another time and other people. It is not so! The God who created the universe and who reached down even to earth as a baby in a manger, is more than able to work in His beautiful creation however He desires and, truly, at the request of His child – you.

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Jubilee

She knew it was a Jubilee year: a 50 year marker in which debts are forgiven, land is restored, and captives are freed isn’t easily missed. At least not for her. Her parents had named her Jubilee, after all. When she was young, she told her friends to call her Jules. Not many knew her given name. But with her 50th birthday only a few days away, the Jubilee called to her.

Oh sure. Some people, maybe even most, believed the Jubilee was dismissed with the scattering of her people. It might’ve been because of her name, but she disagreed. A Jubilee was a Jubilee! And she could use one just now.

Her nation felt anything but celebratory. She, herself, had been yanked from her home only a couple of months ago. The person with her had been killed within two days, so she was alone. She was kept in a cage in the attic of a teacher sympathetic to the cause of her nation’s attacker and given a little rice to eat on some days, nothing on others. One day she’d been forced to eat toilet paper. She’d seen things she wished she could forget, but they haunted her dreams. She needed a rescuer. She prayed for a rescuer! So many prayers.

Her people had been promised one would come, hadn’t they? The prophets had said so! Along with everyone else, she waited for Messiah to come. It was surely not the one who had come 2,000 years ago! Absolutely not! An imposter, more like. Even considering the possibility made her feel disloyal to her heritage.

But something pinged her conscience; yes, even in her present desperate state. What if she was wrong? What if His followers were right?

Then one night she had seen someone in a dream. If she had to admit it, she would. It was the One some called the Messiah, Jesus! She immediately knew she had been wrong about Him. He spoke to her about how delightful her name was. His voice had a tenderness in it she had never experienced. He was very kind, but with an edge. The edge told her that rescue was on the way.

She listened hard all the next day. And the next. Maybe she had only imagined things? She shrank down and sat in a corner. But then! Then the attic door burst open and some masked men yanked her out of the cage and hurried her to their vehicle. As dust filled her mouth and nose and the cold made her shiver, she wondered what fate awaited her.

But that dream had been so real! It gave her hope. And if hope is in the form of being pushed out of a vehicle onto her homeland, then she would embrace it with all her heart. And more; she would forever embrace the One who gave it to her!

She ate birthday cake that night with her family and told everyone to let go of her childhood name, Jules, for she wanted always to be called Jubilee! And another thing. They would celebrate Christmas. Oh yes they would. There would be no argument! For Christmas, she told them, is a time of miracles and she knew the Man of miracles; for she had met Him – kinder than her best friend, stronger than a storm, and He had given her one.

*Some believe beginning September, 2023 is the 70th and final jubilee year in the Biblical timeline. This author is one of them; Image: mads-schmidt-rasmussen-v0PWN7Z38ag-unsplash.jpg; juan-encalada-RSyYMb5Km_k-unsplash-scaled.jpg

Buyer’s Remorse (conclusion)

Deeds! There had been an actual treasure trove of stuff underneath the floorboard, but deeds – as in plural – were what caught my attention. I wondered, and not for the first time, if the information I was finding in the house had been hidden out of distress or laziness. I couldn’t tell. What I could tell, however, was that I apparently owned more than I had initially believed and most probably what the seller had known about as well.

I also learned that there was a tunnel starting behind what I had originally thought were just boards to supply a sort of underpinning to the root cellar. One Saturday I took a flashlight and a broom for both spiderwebs and weaponry – okay, I know (But still) and explored it. It traveled underneath the sleeping porch and then another two or so miles and ended at the far end of an old-fashioned covered bridge (I own a covered bridge!). I’m still not sure why someone dug a tunnel, and a long one (at least to me) at that. I found nothing to smuggle from my house and wondered what had been of such value or danger in the past. So many whys.

But I do know a thing or two about deeds and I confirmed my ownership of the additional property I hadn’t known about.

I couldn’t do things as quickly as I would have liked, because I still had to sort out “the delicate matter” to which I’d been assigned. Looking back, I should’ve figured things out more quickly. But I didn’t. I blame myself for that, but I also forgive myself for it because all of God’s children sometimes stumble even with the lights on. It took 7 days straight of waking up at 4 a.m. before it clicked. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I’d heard the term 4 a.m. talking points. It must have tweaked my unconscious until I made a waking connection. Once I did, I could see clearly that the information I was given – the talking points as my subconscious told me – wasn’t the whole story. I won’t discuss the matter other than to say I found myself having to confront my boss and resign from my job and what lately had been a decent remote work arrangement. Oh I could’ve stayed and lived with the pretense that I hadn’t connected him to the matter needing discretion. I could’ve kept my mouth shut. I had done so in the past, and that’s probably why he gave me the assignment. But having learned about courage from the former inhabitants of this place, I couldn’t very well do it now. Finding myself in the line of owners of this crumbling edifice, for some reason I didn’t want to let them down. I became an independent contractor and found more than enough remote work to stay at my new old rundown home. I can assert it is no longer new to me, but it is still definitely rundown.

It’s been a year! One year ago today I bought a house sight unseen. It was a ridiculous decision, and I clearly understood the term buyer’s remorse the minute I pulled in front of my ill-considered purchase. Do I still have buyer’s remorse? About the house – yes, indeed. It’s terrible and will take more time and money than I want to invest to make it comfortable and appealing. But I bought more than I knew.

And this is what I learned: The things in this life that we are given to own may look to us like a tumbledown bit of nothing. They may appear without merit or too far gone to salvage. And yet. And yet what is hidden from us, what is unseen, and what, if we make the effort to uncover, we eventually discover is far greater than what meets the eye.

Now excuse me while I drink a cup of coffee, enjoy my lemon poppy seed scone, and watch the sunset. Oh yes – and admire the sign I placed in front of my house just this afternoon. It is the name I have given my property: Hole In The Wall.

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Buyer’s Remorse (cont. 4)

I woke with a start at the edge of morning while it was still dark. And it was. Pitch black. My heart was racing, but there was no dream in memory that could have prompted it. I reached for my bedside lamp and turned it on. It’s a gift, isn’t it, when the electricity works? The utilities in my new home being what they were, I was quickly learning gratefulness for those little things.

There was nothing out of place. I looked at my watch. It was 4:00. Some people go to work at this time of day, I reasoned. I certainly wasn’t in the mood to return to pitch black.

I was dressed and at my computer, files spread on the table, and a cup of coffee accompanied by a lemon poppy seed scone next to it by 4:30. I’d stocked up on scone ingredients before I left the city. Don’t judge. It’s harder to think freely or analyze when feeling emotional, and I needed both in my work. Scones were my way to rise above the fear I had felt upon waking. Emotional eating has its uses. Due to my early start, I finished for the day by early afternoon.

I was by now in the habit of using my afternoons to (try to) fix the broken down mess I’d bought, and was accomplishing at least a little. I had reconstructed my front porch. That was somewhat of an accomplishment, I assured myself. I’d pulled down cupboards, sanded and painted them, and somehow gotten them back in place so my dishes didn’t slide toward the cupboard door like they had at first. You have no idea the pleasure it is to open a cupboard door without bracing for destruction. This afternoon, I’d pushed and pulled and carried everything out of the living room whose floors I planned to sand as my evening entertainment.

In the meantime, I brought my box of the things retrieved from the hole in the wall, sat on the porch to await the sunset, and mulled over loose connections floating around in my brain.

I got to bed later than usual. Sanding can be a messy project. One board, in particular, had given me terrible trouble until I realized it had been pulled up and nailed down again. It didn’t take much to pull it up, and what I discovered had kept me awake until the wee hours.

to be continued . . .

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Buyer’s Remorse (cont. 3)

I was about halfway down the lane when I began to regret that it wasn’t paved. The rain from the night before (the one I had commended myself about thinking ahead and putting out pots and pans to catch the rain – that one) had left not only friendly puddles here and there, but an unfortunate puddle the size of my ex-boyfriend’s propensity for lying – excuses with holes in timelines and logic that defied the imagination of any reasonable person . . . but I digress. For those of you uninterested in detours, let me just say it was a very large puddle that covered the breadth of the road, and leave it at that. However, I managed to skirt it by going off-road for the minute it took to go around it.

The next morning I dropped off my car at the auto shop (the off-road minute had compromised the front axle), walked the extra mile to work, and stepped into the office as though I hadn’t entered another world in one weekend.

I had decided to be dignified and personally hand in my resignation. Before I could hand it to my boss, he pulled me aside. He had a special assignment requiring some amount of delicacy and would I be willing to work remotely for the next six months or however long it would take to complete it? To wit: was I willing to disappear while on assignment?

Okay. I must take another detour here, and I’m sorry for those of you who get hives from such things, but it must be done. You see, I work in forensics, my boss is a fairly well-known lawyer, and there have been things that have crossed my desk from time to time that have given me pause. And while I can be impulsive, I can also be circumspect in office conversation. And although there are gaping holes in some of my life skills, I’ve become rather good at my job. So you’ll understand that when the word “delicacy” is used, the reputation or worse of someone of note is very possibly at risk.

I scrunched my face as though I needed to think about it, not as though I had to guard against jumping up and down. He hurriedly assured me the firm would pay any related costs. I blinked fast, which made him offer me an increase in salary. I inquired whether paving a lane could be included in the offer and he gave me his hasty affirmation. I began to think that if I stayed any longer I would own the firm, but who wants that headache? We shook hands, I cleaned out my desk, and made arrangements for a satellite internet that would impress Tim Cook.

It’s been two months, my lane is as smooth as a baby’s bottom, the electricity and utilities work as well as the government, and I’ve settled in. I’ve uncovered pieces of the lives of the people who lived here before me, thoroughly cleaned the root cellar and began to stock it, and found a use for the weeds behind the house (yes, I’m calling it a house in order to reassure myself that my future isn’t as bleak as the person whose delicate matter I’m researching). The weeds? I discovered that many of them were herbs or had some kind of usefulness. It’s going to take me longer than two months to figure it all out.

The puzzle that keeps me up at night, though, isn’t the weeds. It’s some of the letters that were hidden it the wall. Oh I fixed it. Who wants a hole in the wall? But I mean to say that those lives – the ones of the people who wrote the letters – they were full of courageous words. And as I look at my surroundings, I can’t for the life of me figure out why they would need to be brave and wish I knew. What’s the expression? Be careful what you wish for.

to be continued . . .

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Buyer’s Remorse (cont. 2)

It wasn’t the sun’s rays that woke me, but the scampering of little feet belonging to who knew what. On the heels of the sound, though, the sun peeked over the horizon, and I watched as red turned to orange and pink, filling the sky with indescribable color and hope.

I sipped day old coffee (bought from the gas station the day before and surprisingly still hot) from my thermos and mulled over my options. I had one more day to explore . . . okay, I know it shouldn’t take even a half hour to explore something like my “new house”, but the things stored in the wall told me otherwise.

It’s interesting, isn’t it, what you can learn from letters, journal entries, recipes, newspaper clippings, and the like. And hand-drawn maps. Innuendo isn’t only for mainstream media, politicians, and trashy novels, you know. And some of the things that I’d read in that place between wakefulness and sleep made me think that my house was like the lid of a jar. I determined to open it. I spread out some of the things I’d read and read them again to make sure I hadn’t been dreaming.

By the time dark enveloped my property, I’d made a plan. Now I’m not saying you should follow my example. In fact, I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t. But I concluded that if I was to honestly own this place, I should be more than a curiosity seeker. What I’m saying is that some people are owners in name only. They might have something, for instance, from an inheritance, but rarely visit it and value it only for its eventual monetary worth. Getting back to my conclusion: if I was to honestly own this place, I should take ownership – you know, like people do who actually believe something is theirs and that they are in charge of it. Like that. Which meant (in my mind) I needed to be more than a visitor on convenient weekends.

It had begun raining before I went to bed, and I took advantage  of it by setting out some pots and pans to collect the water. Even I am amazed at how well I think ahead sometimes. The next morning I cleaned. Okay, I mostly swept and sprayed the all-purpose cleaner with a “light lemon scent” I’d brought with me all over everything. At least I had rinse water!

I put away things I’d planned to take back with me and locked the door. I’d written my letter of resignation to my employer the night before, but hadn’t sent it. Sometimes spotty cell (and in this case, internet) service can save you from yourself, not that I planned on being saved. You have your personality, I have mine.

I watched my new house grow smaller in the rearview mirror as I drove down the long lane and back to my normal that would never seem normal again.

to be continued . . .

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Buyer’s Remorse (cont. 1)

Not without a huge sigh (part uncertainty and part regret), I disembarked from my car and just stood, looking. The house was surrounded by trees on both sides, in addition to the long lane I had just trekked. But some wild daisies sprinkled amidst the long grasses lent me comfort. A meadow of what appeared to be weeds of different sorts was visible if I leaned to peer around the side of the building, which I did. Weeds. How apt.

The house, itself, well, not really a house – I don’t know what to call it; was more than a shed, less than a respectable cabin – was fronted with a sagging porch with four steps ascending. I took the challenge, and, as I did, heard some scurrying underneath. I had company without even sending housewarming invitations! Lovely.

I fished the key from my pocket and unlocked the front door. It was sturdy! I took the win and stepped inside. Remarkably enough, it was furnished with decent furniture, clearly from past generations.

I blew dust from a side table holding a lamp and the lamp wobbled until I grabbed it. It seemed a nice piece, perhaps even valuable in its day. I would hate to be the owner that broke it. Then I wondered how many owners there had been: if I was the second after an original or near the end of a long line of proprietors. I wandered through the rooms: a living room, kitchen, bedroom, and even a small bathroom (I was pleasantly surprised, though held no certainty that it worked). Beyond the kitchen, to the back of the house, was a sleeping porch, complete with a swinging bed held to the rafters by sturdy chains. My eyes scanned the mattress full of acorns.

Dusk was creeping over the yard by the time I brought in my belongings. There had been more to explore than at first glance. For one thing, there was a root cellar. I know! I saved my examination of it for daylight when I could clear the spiderwebs  with greater assurance of seeing whether the spiders were elsewhere.

In my inspection of the bedroom, I had literally stumbled into what sounded like a hollow place in the wall near the head of the bed. I scraped the bed across the floor in order to get a closer look. With a little effort, I broke through the false part and found a compartment which held my interest as well as, it appeared, things from a past owner.

I pulled out my sturdy flashlight and spent my evening reading the papers I had found. By the time my eyes were gritty with sleep, I knew my new house was not the tumbledown shack it appeared to be.

to be continued . . .

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